The Onion reports; Giant Fruit Cake monstrosity attacks Minneapolis!

Onion reporter Pauly writting about an amazing story of the attack of a giant fruit cake monster that was walking around Minneapolis, and then converged on the Foshay tower.

I received the information of how this came to be! A yeasty beast crawled from the suburbs and found a fruitcake factory! It enter and absorbed all the fruitcake mix! I thought that the last fruitcakes were made back in the 80s and were then regifted over many years? This factory was making fresh batches of fruitcake! Why, I wondered, but anyway, I degress.

The monster walked to minneapolis and was roughly the stature of 500 feet. As it came closer to the foshay tower, I saw another strange sight! I glowing blue light that flew around it and then gave the fruitcake beasty a blast! It created a hole in the creature, but it then reformulated. It was quite possibly the grossest thing I seen?

The blue light was then joined by a familiar figure of myth! Santa flying on one of his reindeer flew out of the building and up to the blue light figure. The blue light acknowledged Santa and then captured the creature in a blue light orb! The creature could not escape. Then the blue light was told to do one more thing under Santa's instruction!

The most amazing and wonderful sight as the creature was turned in Christmas treats for all to eat! Even though many enjoyed the sugary sweets, no one will remember this day in sweet history since the Men in Black showed up on the scene and blasted everyone with a bright light that made them forget. I ducked out of there ontime and hide so I could get the full scoop!

Pauly signing off!

Next Time; Life with Santa!

Peace!

Keith